can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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