Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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