I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
