Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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