That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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