the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
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