I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
