Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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