During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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