i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
