the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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