I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
