Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
