the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
The beers last night were like the tears from god
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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