I have demons in me.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
