He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
