Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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