I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
