Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
