i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
