just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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