My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
