She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
