I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
