but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
