My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
