i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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