Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
