I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
