Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
