you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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