Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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