I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
This can only be settled by a dance off.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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