So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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