Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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