Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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