Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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