I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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