forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
