I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
