3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I look better un-naked...
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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