just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
