Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
