According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
