Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
wow bdsm is so cute
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
