I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
