I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
