My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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