remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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