Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
