I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
