No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
