2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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